Wow! This was not the race report I was hoping to write. So get ready for what Eric calls “the roller coaster of Stacy’s emotions after a race.”
My family and I made it to Coeur d’ Alene on Thursday evening after a super long drive. Chloe and Tucker were so good the entire way, we took them to get ice cream off Sherman Ave. I was beyond excited, well just plain giddy, to be down on Sherman Avenue. The barriers were set up and there were so many Ironman signs everywhere. As we were searching for ice cream, we saw my new friend, Dan, that I met on the Facebook training group. We stopped and met his beautiful family. He told us that he had already swam in Lake Coeur d’ Alene that day and that the water was great and the current carried you back when you were headed to shore. That eased my mind a bit about the swim. It would be great if at the end of our 2.4 mile swim to not have to work as hard. We found a yummy ice cream shop where everyone got ice cream, but me. The fresh waffle cones smelled so yummy. We walked down to the lake and tried to make sense of the transition area. It was getting pretty dark and we couldn’t see much so we headed back to where we were staying.
The next morning I was planning on meeting up to swim with some awesome athletes that I met on the Facebook training group and of course, Rosie. It was so fun meeting everyone that I’ve been stalking on Strava and Facebook. Apparently I am known as HSF. I really do say and write that a lot on my Strava workouts. 🙂 It was like a reunion seeing everyone. Chloe finally had to tell me to go swim because I was talking so much. I swam with my new friend, Kim. The water was amazing. It was so clear and there were some crazy things at the bottom. I even saw a can of Tab. Yep, Tab. When we got to the second buoy, we ran into Dan again. We all started chatting and two more athletes stopped to chat too. It was pretty funny. I can always find a way to talk to people. We finished our swim and talked even more. Athlete check in was open, so we headed to Ironman Village.
Oh my gosh! I was checking into my first Ironman. Everyone I was talking to in line was so great. We were all worried about the heat on race day. While I was in line Chloe came over to me and gave me an autographed picture of Andy Potts. Yep, the one and only Andy Potts. He was over at the Lifeproof booth chatting with athletes. I was so excited to finally meet him. Eric had already filled him in on my story and he had some great advice for me on race day. He is a genuinely nice man. I was really impressed by him.
Yeah, that’s just me and my buddy, Andy. NBD!
Later that day we had the athlete briefing. I finally saw Elizabeth, her husband, Bill and Amanda. It was such a relief to see them. After the athlete briefing, Elizabeth and I headed off to ride the run course. I really enjoyed seeing the course. It seemed to help me mentally prepare for the run. The course that was by the lake was so much cooler than the rest of the course. Andy did fill me in on that awesome info too. We got really close in the few minutes we chatted. Heehee!
The next day I did a super short run and got my gear ready to drop off at the transition area. As I left my family, I started crying again. Oh man, I was so emotional. They all gave me big hugs while giggling at me. I had just been so emotional the last few weeks. We finally met up with Katie and all of the Bobs were together again. Whew!
Chris, Katie’s husband, had these made for our bikes. Aren’t these awesome?
When I got back to my family they headed off to spend the day at Stillwater, a local amusement park. This gave me a chance to watch many episodes of Scandal while I rested, ate and drank water. I love days like that.
Trying to get to sleep that night was not easy. All week I was only concerned about the temperature of the day. All of a sudden I was super freaked out about the swim. I wasn’t at all worried about the bike and knew I could just walk the run leg if necessary. I just needed to get through the swim. I was up a bunch during the night because of nerves, people texting me and just having to go to the bathroom. Finally it was time to get up and get ready.
Eric dropped me off at Ironman village and I dropped off my special needs bags. I headed to the transition to drop my fuel off and water bottles. I started seeing all my girls and we were all so nervous. I got to my bike and realized I had forgot to put my Nuun in my water bottles. Damnit! This was my first mistake of the day. I added my salt tablets to my bottles and found I had one tablet of Nuun, but was missing the rest. I began thinking of how I could make those adjustments. I knew I had some in my special needs bag. I figured I would be okay since there was Gatorade on the course and I still had salt tablets. I made sure my bike gear was in order and dropped my fuel off in my run bag. Then to the porta potty line before putting my wetsuit on. I saw Amanda before I headed with everyone to the swim start. Just seeing her smiling face eased my mind a bit. I was so glad she was there.
There was so much excitement and nerves in the air as we all shuffled through to the swim start. The male pros had already started the race. The pro women would be headed out in a few more minutes. HSF! The time was going by so fast. I finished my GU and water bottle full of Nuun and gave Rosie and Katie good luck hugs. Elizabeth and I walked down to the water to acclimate and of course go potty with everyone else. Triathletes are pretty gross and we swim in our pee. Yep! Pretty gross.
I turned my Garmin on and was all ready to go. Music was playing and Mike Reilly was getting everyone pumped up. It was so awesome! Then it was go time. I hit start on my Garmin and just started swimming. HSF, I was swimming in an Ironman! I started at the back of the pack since I am so super slow. I was surrounded by other athletes, but I didn’t have any problems with anyone pulling on me or pushing me down. I think because I was so far off to the right and not even near the buoys like I should have been. I continued by swim count and looked up just to sight. Every time I would look up, I was further and further from the buoys. FUCK! I didn’t need to swim any further than necessary. I looked at my Garmin and noticed I never actually changed it to the multi-sport setting like I thought I did. I still had it on the run setting. Ugh! What else is going to go wrong? Luckily it still showed me my time and that was really all I needed. I kept swimming and then looked up to sight and hit my nose on the edge of a paddle board. Of course I laughed because this stuff only happens to me. The dude on the board laughed and said sorry. I thought I broke my nose and was bleeding, but continued on. What else was going to happen? I hadn’t even hit the first turn yet. I kept trying to stay close to the buoys, but it just wasn’t working. I got to the first turn and then there was the sun. It was so bright we couldn’t see the next turn buoy. Luckily, the guys on the paddle boards were helping with directions. I finally finished my first loop. 53 minutes. Ugh! I was hoping for 50 minutes. That was okay, at least I knew I still had plenty of time to finish the second loop before the 2 hour and 20 minute cut off. I heard Amanda screaming my name. That was such a great thing to hear. Not that I really like to hear my name being screamed out, but just know that she saw me and was cheering for me. 😉 The second loop was a bit more wavey and my sighting still sucked ass. I knew I was going to finish the swim with no problems after I started the second loop. Once I made the second turn and headed back to shore I started thinking about getting into transition and getting on the bike. Before I knew it, I was done with the swim. I finished my 2.4 mile swim in 1:52:05. I was so beyond excited. It was better than I expected on my race plan. Although my Garmin did say I swam 4.42 miles. Haahaa! Apparently it’s not as accurate on the run setting. I haven’t downloaded my swim yet, but I’m anxious to see how far I really did swim.
The women’s changing tent was AWESOME! I had a list of what I needed and what their order was in so the lady helping me just grabbed my stuff and started helping. My transition was 7:17. WHAT?!?!?!? I was on the bike in record time. I saw Eric and the kiddos on the bike out and felt really good. I grabbed my first GU out of my bento box and out falls my baggie of salt tablets and tylenol. Fuck! I should have taken a minute to stop and grab it, but I continued on. I felt really great on the bike. It was starting to feel hot, but not too bad. The start of the bike course took us out by the lake on the run course. On the way back in town there was a bank that had a sign with the current temperature. It was already 83 degrees. No big deal. I’ve biked in hotter temps than that and I was feeling great. My speed was a little too fast, but this was the easy part of the course. I headed out to Highway 95 where the hills soon began. I’m not fast going up the hills but I will make it up them. I sure do love going down the hills. That’s my favorite. I got to about mile 20ish and started doing the math. My pace was slowing down and I was getting really hot. It seemed way hotter on 95 and I was already on my second water bottle. I was catching back up on my pace with the downhills, but it seemed that everything was uphill. I figured that I was going to make the first bike cutoff, but I had my doubts that I would make the second cutoff. I got to the turnaround on 95 and really just felt like crap. I had already been feeling dizzy which wasn’t a good sign. I finished my second water bottle and was waiting for another aid station to get a Gatorade. I still had two more water bottles with salt tablets already in them, but I figured I should get something cold and Gatorade was probably a better option than water. I finally got to an aid station. I asked for a Gatorade and poured it into my front water bottle. The volunteer kept asking me questions and I just remember answering with an “I don’t know” to each of them. Oh man! That wasn’t a good sign, especially for me who really likes to talk. I remember her putting ice in my bottle with her bare hands. As an immuno-suppressed person, I am a huge germaphobe. If I saw this on a normal day, I would have literally vomited. Not on this day. I couldn’t even react to it. I go back on my bike and realized that I was not going to finish this race. At this point I was not just dizzy, but I was also not able to talk and answer simple questions. I kept counting down the miles. The pros were all passing me as well as the age groupers. I just stayed out of their way since I knew I was already out of the race. At one point my dizziness got so bad that I almost ran into a barrier. I just felt like I was losing it more and more each mile. I just wanted to get to the end of the first bike loop so I could end this race.
I finally got to the bike finish and told a volunteer that I was done with the race. Defeated! I just felt freaken defeated. A volunteer took my bike and I sat in the shade on the grass. I took off everything but my jersey and shorts and a few volunteers dumped water on me. I couldn’t stop shaking. I had my heart rate monitor on so they started monitoring my heart rate from that. It wouldn’t go down. I couldn’t stop the dizziness. I texted Eric to tell him I was at the transition. The medical peeps wanted to take me to the med tent at that point, but I declined and went to go meet Eric. I saw Bill and Amanda waiting for me outside the transition area. Oh man! I felt pure disappointment and failure. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I saw many other athletes leaving with their bikes and gear bags who decided to not finish the race. I knew that any other day I could have finished this race. With Amanda’s coaching, I was trained for every aspect of this race. They urged me to visit the med tent since my heart rate was still pretty high and I was still dizzy. My blood pressure was super low and they kept me in there until it came back up. The med tent was quickly filling up with athletes. The medical staff was amazing. I felt really bad for them since their day was just starting to get busy.
This was Amanda’s Facebook post that I have read numerous times. I couldn’t get through this without crying. It was a very tough day and only made better by watching my friends cross that finish line.
“Yesterday was, without question, an historic Ironman race day. With temps up to 105 (and 125 on the asphalt!) – IMCDA 2015 was a humbling day for athletes and spectators alike. I watched so many stories unfold; stories of angst and triumph, struggle and victory, sadness and unbelievable joy. I watched in a single day, a bit of an encapsulation of what it means to live a human life, with all its ups and downs, celebrations and losses, pain and love. If you’ve never been to one, an Ironman 140.6 is simply an unparalleled event for this sort of experience.
As a coach, one of my main responsibilities is to watch. To watch what an athlete eats and drinks. To watch how their arm enters the water in the swim and how their feet move behind them, to propel them forward toward their goals. To watch RPM on the bike and pacing on the run. To watch how much sleep they get, how faithful they are to doing what is in their best interest. To watch how training load is either enhancing or stalling performance. To watch heart rate and mood and travel stress and family commitments and work schedules. It is my job to come alongside an athlete, or an aspiring athlete, and to listen to their goals. To learn about their challenges, and to understand their dreams and then, to the best of my ability, craft a plan to help them reach out towards and one day grasp hold of these goals they have for themselves. It is my job to hold them accountable to this plan, to push them when they need pushed and pull them back when it is warranted. It is my job to walk alongside them as they navigate all the things they expected on the journey and try to help them deal with all the things they didn’t. It is my job to carefully watch them in what is ultimately, always, their own unique journey.
I watched a lot of athletes yesterday. I watched them fight hard, SO hard for what they wanted. And it was my very great pleasure and privilege to see so many of the athletes I care about succeed in their fight and reach their very long-held and oh-so-difficultly earned dreams of an Ironman finish. I saw you out there, Elizabeth. Oh, man. I saw you and I am so very proud of and amazed by you. You are absolutely made of the very strongest of stuff. Just unreal. And I saw you, Katie, Brian, Richard, Rosie and Faith. I saw each of you fight and fight and dig oh so deep to finish what you started.
And I saw you, Stacy.
I watched you cheerfully take on your prior nemesis of swimming. Not only once, but twice, due to the out of and back in nature of the swim course. I watched that head bob with our stroke count/breath count pattern. That pink cap always tucking back down for more. I watched you exit the water with an absolutely huge smile. And right there, I had my first ever swim-finish cry. I watched you FLY through transition – wearing everything you were supposed to and all of it facing the right direction smile emoticon. Then, remotely, I watched you clip away mile after mile on the bike. I got to watch you on that course for a split second, too, chasing down your formidable dreams. I saw you minutes behind the friend with whom you share a bond so sacred that those of us around you can only begin to understand it.
Then I saw you do one of the hardest things you will ever have to have done. I watched you painfully, and oh-so-very-graciously, set aside something that means so very much to you. I saw you so wisely choose this because the people who love you and need you mean more.
And then. Then I watched you tenderly see to the needs and hearts of your children in the midst of your own heartache. I watched you, with more grace and dignity and strength of character than many of us will ever hope to have, spend the rest of your day, in the same brutal heat that mandated that you end your race, set aside your disappointment. I watched you cheer, encourage, run alongside and positively will every one of your friends across the very finish line that you so very much want for yourself. Mercy. And then, when our part of the day together was near done, I watched you genuinely, and absolutely beautifully, celebrate every one of these friends.
I watched you fight to outwardly manifest your inward strength and beauty, Stacy Baade. And it was one of the most inspiring and lovely things that I’ve ever seen. There was no medal at the end of your day. But there should’ve been.”
This blog post took me 5 days to complete. I have been processing my defeat all week. Eric pointed out to me that my kidney transplant has never defined me. I don’t complain about the frustrations and struggles I deal with every day. I have never let it get in the way of me living my life. This was the first time it really did. This week I got back in the open water to swim with my awesome triathlon group, I’ve ran with Chloe and am going on a bike ride today. I will get back on track with training and I have no doubt that I WILL become a Ironman.
Transplant to Ironman 