It finally happened!!!!

I started this post a couple of weeks after my transplant, which was June 5, 2022. It has now been a year and I’m finally publishing it. It’s been a whirlwind year, starting from the evening I received the call. But here is the gist of what happened afterwards and a bit since.

This post is more for me to remember the last few weeks. But if you’re reading, awesome. I’m still in shock and I feel like the reality of my new life is slowly setting in.

A quick recap…I had to start dialysis in November. I tried peritoneal dialysis for less than a month and that sucked so I needed to get a chest catheter to go to in clinic hemo dialysis. That was so much better. Cayden and I were finishing up testing again so she could be my donor as planned. I was forced to get the Covid vaccine as well as the booster in order to be transplanted. They finished up the testing by checking my antibodies again. We found out that I now was highly sensitized and was no longer a match with Cayden. Oof! Being highly sensitized means that it would be very difficult to find a match. After being angry and sad, I accepted my new life of being on dialysis with no end in sight.

I had a zoom appointment with one of the transplant nurses in May and I found out I was already almost 5 years on the waiting list. What?!? That was such good news. As a highly sensitized patient, I also have priority on the list after pediatric patients. I still wasn’t ever expecting to get the call. Ever!

The weekend of June 3, Eric, Tucker, and I headed to Livermore for Tuck’s state trap shooting event. Chloe stayed home to go to graduation parties. She just graduated from high school the previous Thursday. What?!? We also just listed our house for sale the day before we left. It was already a busy weekend.

Day one of Tuck’s shoot was completed and he did awesome. Eric went to dinner with our friend, Ryan who lives in the area. Tuck and I stayed back in our trailer to play games and hang out. We had just finished a game of War, (which I won) and I got a phone call from a number in Louisiana. Of course I didn’t answer because, that’s weird. And of course I googled the number because that what you do. It came back to a nurse which I thought was weird. But I didn’t think anything of it. Then I got a text. THE text.

I immediately had Tucker call Eric and tell him I got the call. As he was calling, I was calling the nurse back. She told me they found a match and began asking me a bunch of questions. I told her we were about an hour and a half away and she said that wasn’t a problem. They were waiting for the final match results which came in while I was talking to her. They would review and let me know.

In the meantime, Tuck and I were frantically packing up our trailer so we could hit the road. Eric was heading back and the first person I called was Chloe, then of course Elizabeth. And wouldn’t you know it, she didn’t answer because we never call each other. Hahaha! I texted her saying I didn’t butt dial her. Of course when she called me back within a minute, she said she didn’t answer because she thought I butt dialed her. Hahaha!

Then it hit me. Someone’s loved one just died. That was the reason I got the call. I prayed for them and their family. I couldn’t imagine what they were going through that evening.

When we got to UCDavis around 9pm, Eric had to just drop me off because he had the trailer and our pup, Ellie. Chloe met us there so I could get hugs. It was such an odd feeling walking into the hospital for a life altering surgery and I was by myself. Very surreal. When I got up to the transplant floor, I was greeted by the most amazing nurses. Seriously amazing!!!! They were so sweet and helpful. Which I really needed. I was still in shock about what was happening. One of the doctors came in and explained the next few steps before surgery. And he said the kidney was there in the hospital. I went and got a chest X-ray first. Then the nurses tried to draw blood. Lots of blood. It took a really long time to get anything. I felt bad, but being on dialysis, it’s difficult to draw blood. Really just trying to find a good vein was hard enough. Of course I had to take a Covid test. I had to do some sort of fitness test. The first one was a sit test. Where I had to sit and stand up from a chair and they counted how many times I did it in 30 seconds. Weird. Then I had to walk in the hallway from certain points and they counted how many times within 6 minutes. Apparently I passed. Haha!

I napped for a bit while waiting to go into surgery. Finally around 3:15am the doctor came and got me. Once we got to the hallway of the OR, we found out that there was a delay. Someone else wheeled me into the recovery area to wait. It was super quiet. I just watched the clock. They did check on me a couple of times. One of the anesthesiologist stopped by to ask questions. I didn’t know that UCD had already called Eric to tell him I was going in at 3:30. So later that morning he was starting to worry because he hadn’t heard anything and I should have been out of surgery already. Finally around 5:30, the other anesthesiologist came by to let me know they were ready. He gave me some meds through my IV and the next thing I remember was waking up in my room.

My new kidney was working. Oh man! What a miracle. I wasn’t in much pain because they put in a nerve block. Can I just say, I love nerve blocks!!!! I had one when they put in my fistula last month. They are amazing. Once I was awake enough, I called Eric. He wasn’t there with me because we had some showings of our house and we needed to keep our dog, Ellie Mae, out of the house. So Eric was dealing with all of that stuff while I was recovering. I was actually feeling pretty good. I met my wonderful roommate, Tiffani, who had gotten a kidney about 7 years ago from her husband. She was there just dealing with some other stuff. It was nice to have someone to talk to. My parents were in town from Idaho for Chloe’s graduation and Tucker’s promotion from eighth grade, so they were my first visitors. Eric was finally able to come later on that afternoon.

Most of my recovery in the hospital went well. My kidney was working really well right from the beginning. They even said that they were going to take my chest catheter out while I was there. That ended up being one of the worst experiences I’ve ever felt in the hospital. I won’t go into too much detail, but I definitely should have been put under or given more than a couple of lidocaine shots. It took way longer than expected and was much more painful than expected. The doctor was literally digging into my chest and pulling the catheter for an hour. I tried not to cuss, I tried not cry, but I definitely didn’t scream, which I definitely wanted to do. I felt really bad for the doctor because there was nothing else he could do. And to top it off, I really needed to go to the bathroom. I had been given lasix because the excess fluid wasn’t coming off and I was having chest pain from it. Oh man, the poor doctor. I was not his favorite patient that day. He had to go into the bathroom with me and wait until I emptied my bladder. Thankfully after having two kids and the millions of surgeries I’ve had, I didn’t care if he was there or not. I HAD to go.

All while I was in the hospital, we were getting offers on our house. Our friend and realtor, Kristen was amazing and helping us navigate through everything. We just love her. It had been a very hectic week with the showings, my surgery, Tucker’s promotion, and life, so we were very grateful Kristen was there to be our calm.

I finally busted out of the hospital and wouldn’t you know it, both Eric and Tucker got covid for the first time. That made my recovery and just being at home a bit more difficult. But we are Baade’s and can get through anything.

Our first family picture after my transplant and Eric’s last Hometown Parade before he retired the following month.

And back to present day. My kidney is doing amazing. My kidney function is around 69%. I’ve had some GI issues but we’ve been slowing getting that figured out. I was hoping to be able to do Ironman Texas last April, but had to stop training due to my GI issues. I’m planning on doing Ironman California in October in honor of my donor.

I haven’t decided if I’ll keep writing this blog. I definitely wanted to write this post since it was such big news. But we will see if I feel like posting anymore. Thanks for taking the time to read.

And a huge thank you to my donor. I think about you every day and I pray every day for your family. I do hope the family wants to meet some day. It would be amazing to be able to thank them in person.

Quick update…

My posts are getting a little too far apart. My last one was super intense and then I never did a follow up. I suck and I’m sorry about that. Thanks to everyone who responded and checked in. I appreciated everyone’s input and positive thoughts. Your words, check ins, and your own stories meant the world to me. All of this is just a lot. Some days are great and I feel good, but other days just suck ass. But I did end up going to the doctor and getting a prescription for Zoloft. I tried it for two weeks. Probably one week too long. It’s not what my brain needed. I felt like I was getting more depressed and had way too many weird thoughts going through my head. I was glad I tried it, but that brand wasn’t for me. I’m sure there are other types of anti-depressants I could have tried, but I decided not to go that route.

Not only have I been struggling with this damn kidney failure, but I’ve been trying to work on my marriage as well. I won’t go into all of that (lots of you already know) and maybe I will later…to a point. My new way of being a grumpass was basically always being a bitch to the one person I could always rely on, who supported me, who loved me, who always sat next to me when I’d get cut open, who did all the parent duties when I didn’t feel good, and who always put up with my crap. I can’t even tell you how much my husband has put up with. The list is endless. I finally snapped out of my grumpass funk when Eric said he was leaving. Yep, he was done. I won’t go into all that either and maybe I will in another post. I couldn’t keep taking everything out on him. It wasn’t fair to him, to us, or to my family. I needed to change. I needed to start living again.

So living is what I’m doing. Eric didn’t leave, I am working on not being a mega bitch, and I’ve got lots to look forward to. Since I’ve gotten away from the purpose of this blog for a bit, I’ll go back to the purpose now. 🙂 Here’s the latest on Mr. Wiggles. This year my kidney function has been going back and forth from 16%-21%.

This is pretty much stable. And I’m just tired of waiting. If I’m going to be at this function, I’ve decided to register for another Ironman. Yep, I’m back at it. I registered for Ironman Santa Rosa in July.

I’m also planning on doing Ironman Santa Rosa 70.3 in May, I just haven’t registered for it yet. One thing at a time. These races are so damn expensive. Base training has started and I’m doing okay. The real training starts in January and I’ll be coming up with a training plan soon. I just need to realize that there will be some days that I cannot do a work out and I need to be okay with that. I also need to keep positive and say that I WILL be able to train for this race and I WILL be able to finish. I’m really excited about it. It feels good to have a purpose again and not just try to get through the day. Plus, Elizabeth is doing Ironman Lake Placid that’s the same weekend as Santa Rosa so once again we get to train together. Woohoo!!!!

But I do have a bit of stupid news. I’m going to the dermatologist every three months now. The last time I went I had 6 or 7 new skin cancer spots. I can’t even remember how many I had. I did have all those removed except for one. We didn’t get all of it. Urg! Then I went back and found two more. One more on my face and one more near my scalp on my forehead. This will be my second one on my face and fifth one on my scalp. I have huge holes in my head now and huge bald spots. I’m running out of hair to cover them all. My next surgery is on Monday, December 2nd. The good news is I’ll be healed by the time Ironman training starts. Whew!

Since I’ll be back to Ironman training…the purpose of this blog, I’ll be back to posting more. I know it will be more of a struggle to train, but I’m ready for it. I’ll probably be adding more about life stuff since I’ve written a bit about it already. I’ve always been an open book about my struggles with my health, I might as well add my other life struggles too.

I’m broken and I just want to be fixed.

It’s really not too much to ask.  When you’re sick, you just want to feel better, right?  Yeah, me too.  I’m in limbo right now. I’m healthy enough to not need a transplant, but sick enough to not live my normal life. It sucks ass!

I’ve put off writing this post because this stuff is emotional for me. I’ve had a lot of people asking for an update so here it is.  And I’m about to get real here for a bit.

I’m not really sure where to begin since life in general is pretty shitty.  I’ll just start with my latest labs. My function had been pretty stable even went up a little bit. Then I went for labs again this week and I’m down to 16% kidney function. The post transplant nurse has adjusted my meds yet again.  I’m nauseous, dizzy, no appetite, exhausted, and I get sick when I eat. The worst, though, is I just feel plain stupid.  There are times I’m in the middle of a conversation and I can’t figure out which word to say. I try to talk, but my brain feels like it has just completely stopped working. Then whoever I’m talking with just has to wait til I either give up or they can figure out what I’m trying to say. It is awful.

All I want to do all day is sleep.  I can’t of course, because, well, life.  I’ve been struggling the last few weeks with everything.  People ask me how I’m feeling and I immediately talk about how kidney failure has affected my training.  I know that sounds silly to most, but training has been a huge part of my life since I had my transplant.  I started training for my first marathon within the first year after transplant.  I realized a couple of weeks ago during a track workout, that I could no longer run.  I wasn’t able to complete even half of the workout.  I got in the car and immediately broke down. Up until that point, I thought I was just going to be a little slower during Ironman Texas.  And now I didn’t actually think I was going to be able to finish the race. The reality of kidney failure was setting in. When I would actually get in the pool, I was so dizzy, I struggled to even follow the black line. After so many years of cycling, you would think I would be getting faster, but my long rides have been getting slower.  It would take me 3 days to recover from those rides.  It was to the point where I couldn’t do anything but sit on the couch and snuggle with my dogs.

Two weeks ago, I went in to have a couple of skin cancer spots removed from my scalp. I’ve had this done once before and figured I’d be running and biking a few days after. The spot on the top of my head was so painful, I don’t think I even did much of anything for the first few days.  There was no way I could handle putting a helmet on top of the stitches.  I don’t even think my helmet would have fit since my head was so swollen. It was just miserable.

Since I wasn’t able to do any training while I was recovering, I finally made the heartbreaking decision to back out of Ironman Texas.  I had the option of deferring until next year, but since we don’t know when I’ll even be sick enough to have the transplant, Eric and I decided I would just withdraw all together.  It’s sucks!

Ironman training has become a way of life for me. It’s helped me keep my sanity. It’s my social time with my friends. It’s my therapy sessions. It’s something I look forward to when I wake up as well as something I dread. Without training, I’m feeling lost. I miss seeing my friends. I miss that excitement when I finish a workout, especially the long ones. Its always fun seeing how far I’ve pushed myself. I miss sweating. Yeah, sweating. I know it’s gross, but I miss it. I’m just completely lost and there’s nothing I can do right now to change it.

So I sit. I wait. I wait to get more sick. And it just completely sucks ass!

My doctor said to get people lined up to donate. No testing yet, just get ready. Ugh!  So those asking, my blood type is O+. If that’s your blood type and you’re willing to get tested, just wait. I’m hoping to start the process soon.

 

 

Mission: Save Mr. Wiggles

Wanna read the good news or the bad news first?  I’m not really sure if any of it is good news anyways, so here it is.

I went to see my nephrologist yesterday.  I was really nervous since this was my first appointment with my new doctor and I knew the lab results from Friday were not good.  Not good at all.  My new doctor gave it to me straight.  Since I had such a severe rejection in 2010, my kidney’s life expectancy was not expected to go much more than 10 years.  We are coming up on that anniversary in September.  He is going to do everything he can to get my kidney to the 10 year mark and hopefully longer.

So the plan:

• Labs often.  He has contacted the UCSF transplant team to order some other labs for me.  I need to make sure I don’t work out at least 12 hours before I do labs to get an accurate reading.
• Drink lots and lots of water.  I obviously already do this, but just need to keep doing it.
• Get my blood pressure under control.  It’s been high since I had the rejection.  I’ve tried a million different medications, but they either don’t work or they make me sleep all freaken day long.  Let’s hope he can find the right one.
• I’ve been struggling with fluid retention the last couple of months.  My doctor prescribed me lasix to help with that and hopefully my blood pressure.
• I need to cut back on my protein intake.  Does that mean I get to eat more ice cream?  Hmmmmm…

My doctor knows I race and will be watching how my labs are while I train.  If he tells me to stop, then I will.  Until then, I’m going to continue training for Ironman Texas in April.

Here’s how I’m doing…

I’m sad.  I’m mad. I’m scared. I’m completely devastated. I break down in tears when I think about it.  I feel like I’ve completely let Elizabeth down. It hurts my heart to know that she put her own life on the line to give me mine back for only 10 years.  Our transplant completely changed our lives and changed and inspired many others.  Our story is truly one of a kind.  I never imagined in a million years that I would have done all the things I’ve done these past few years all thanks to Elizabeth.

Oh man! My next donor has some really big shoes to fill.

I’ll keep you all updated if anything changes. Fingers crossed that I keep stable and that Mr. Wiggles still has some more time left.

This is your warning….

I’ve started dieting and Ironman training.  Let the grumpassness begin.

Since I stopped paying for my awesome triathlon coach, I’ve also stopped watching what I eat.  It’s not like I eat super badly, but I don’t eat how an athlete should eat.  I really just don’t wanna do it.  This last year I’ve really enjoyed the carbs and more alcohol than I really should.  Ice cream, cookies, bagels, and vodka are just sooooo yummy.   I’m sure I’ve even had all of those in one day.  Hmmmmm.

Lately I’ve felt that the extra few pounds have really effected my training.  Not that I’m supa fast or have ever been, but I’ve been faster especially at peak training.   Since Elizabeth and I signed up for Ironman Texas again, we both decided to try to lose the extra weight and get down to our “race weight.”   Not really sure if I can remember what that is, it’s been sooooooo long since I’ve been at that weight.

Ironman training started last week as well as my Ironman diet.  I know I feel much better when I eat metabolic and the weight comes off faster too.  So that’s what I started.  I find that when I start dieting I end up cutting way too many calories.  That leads to grumpassness, sleepiness, zombiness, and being hungry all the damn time.  I even dream about food.  A little tip, stay off of Pinterest before bed while dieting.  It’s also effected my training.  My runs have been soooooo freaken slow.  I’m dizzy and even a tad nauseous on my longer runs.  I’ve lost a few pounds in the first week, but weighed myself this morning and what the actual fuck……all the weight was back!!!!!!  My body hates me right now.  And let me tell you, I hate it right back.  I think it’s trying to adjust to the extra workouts, the lack of food and whatever the fuck else.   I’m going to keep the calories a little higher with my long ride tomorrow and a long run on Sunday.  I’m hoping it helps the workouts a little bit.  I’m sure my family won’t mind if I eat a little bit more to help keep the grumpassness away too.

So now that you’ve been warned, you can decide if you want to try your luck around me for now.  Will I be grumpy or my cheerful self?  Who knows?

 

I’m back. I think. Maybe.

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve posted here.  I’ve missed it.  I’ve missed writing my random adventures and sharing them with those who don’t mind reading what goes on in my crazy life.

Life, it’s been crazy.  Crazy is most certainly an understatement and putting it rather kindly.  I’ll skip over the crazy and just list some fun races I’ve actually finished.

Elizabeth and I finished our first 50k trail race in February 2016.  Wow!  Ultra running is so difficult. It was most definitely fun, but really hard.   We keep talking about doing a 50 miler so I’m sure we will find one that fits in our race schedule.  Maybe 2019. Maybe.

I finished my second Ironman in July 2016.  Elizabeth and I raced Ironman Vineman. That was AMAZING!!!!!  Our next race was Ironman Texas this last April.  What?  Three Ironman finishes!!!!  Neither of us finished as well as we had hoped we would so guess what?  Yep we signed up for 2018.

 

Ironman Texas

I always seem to struggle with nutrition on race day.  I only managed about 600 calories during IMTexas.  I suffered terribly on the run and ended up walking most of the it.  That sucked ass!  Each race has been a huge learning experience.  One of these days I will learn to eat on race day.  Ugh!

 

I was tempted to do Ironman Santa Cruz 70.3, but there have been way too many shark sightings lately and I’m just a tad afraid of getting eaten by sharks.  Katie and I decided to sign up for the Lake Tahoe Triathlon 70.3.  I was super excited since I love Tahoe and it’s easy to get up there to train on the course.

Well that was the plan.  It was summertime and I was lazy.  I enjoyed the kids being home from school, all the summertime food and all the alcohol.  I did train a little bit and even did some open water swimming.  My lack of training, gaining some weight and not getting up to Tahoe for some training rides made me a bit anxious for this race.

Race weekend came up fast.  I didn’t do enough hill training and this was a tough course at elevation.  No big deal, right?  Ahhhhh!   There wasn’t much about the course description on the website except the bike route.  I did find a link on mapmyride that showed the course had 4400 feet of climbing.  Yeah, I was so not ready.

The race venue was at Sugar Pine State Park.  Oh man was it beautiful.  Tahoe is just my favorite place in the world and I was so excited to be there.  There was only one transition area so that made it easy peasy.  At packet pickup we checked out the swim start and the transition.  The swim exit had a broken staircase and I was not looking forward to swimming 1.2 miles then trying to not fall up those stairs.  Then we had to go up a huge hill to get up to the transition.   This transition alone needed its own training program.  It was such a small amount of time we had to suffer, so it really wasn’t a big deal.

 

AHHHHH!  Look at those fucking broken stairs!!!

 

Race day…yay!  I went into this race with wanting to just have fun.  I knew I didn’t train enough to PR so I figured I’d just enjoy it.   When Katie and I were in transition getting ready we were surrounded by lots of people who were not athletes.  This was a big no no.  There shouldn’t be anyone other than athletes in transition.  We have a lot of expensive gear and it just gets too crowded.  Why the hell were spectators in there?  UGH!  This wasn’t a fun way to start a race.

 

Katie and I freezer our asses off before the race.

 

 

There wasn’t any pre race meeting until we all got to the swim start and were in the water.  This was totally expected since it’s such a small race.  They told us which bouys to swim to and when to turn.  There weren’t a lot of bouys out there so I knew sighting wasn’t going to be easy.   Basically the athletes doing the half iron distance needed to swim to the yellow buoys.

Before I knew it, the race started.  There weren’t a lot of athletes doing the 70.3 and somehow I ended up in the front at the start.  Ahhhh!  Im not a fast swimmer at all so I knew I would be in the way and swam over.  Well, that happened.  I was about 100 yards into the swim.  I was feeling good and already in a good groove.  Then I felt someone grab my calf.  Okay, fine, I thought.  I’m in someone’s way, they will go around.  Then they did it again.  This time it pulled me under the water.  Fuck!!!!  I came back up coughing.  Not just a little bit.  The kind of cough when you’re kind of puking and can’t breathe.  I kept trying to at least go forward, but that’s hard when you are almost dying.  Ha!  I managed to get through my near death experience and kept swimming.  I knew I had to sight a lot or I would have a really bad swim time.  So I did just that.  Everytime I was close to one bouy then I would see one waaaayyyyy far in the distance.  I kept thinking, where is the bouy I needed to turn at????  I was about halfway through the swim when I realized I made the wrong choice of wetsuit.  I should have worn my full instead of my sleeveless.  I was getting really cold.  Who knew Tahoe was cold?  Totally kidding.  I finally got to the turn around and headed to the swim finish.  I didn’t see any other bouys but saw the swim finish so I just kept going towards that.  Then I heard lots of yelling.  One of the volunteers on a kayak was screaming to go towards the bouy.  What?  What bouy?  Oh, the one to my right of where I was swimming.  Damnit.  I needed to go further.  I finally made it to the swim finish.  It may have been the grumpiest I’ve ever felt coming out of the swim.  The good news is I PR’d on the swim.  Yay!  Go me!  The bad news is I still had to go up those broken stairs and up that big ole fucking hill.

It wasn’t too bad going up the stairs, but it would have been nice to have something to hold on to.  Maybe a volunteer or a railing.  Not to be too much of a baby, but going up broken wooden stairs after swimming really sucks.

I made it to the transition area and chatted with some other athletes before we headed to the bike.  I wasn’t the only one who hated that swim.  Ha!  Thankfully it was over and it was time to head out on the beautiful bike course.

The first part of the bike course was awesome.  Once I warmed up and stopped shivering I was able to enjoy it.  I started passing a few people, which was totally awesome.  The bike course wasn’t closed to traffic.  That was totally expected too.  Luckily there was a nice bike lane for most of the course and there were plenty of signs to let drivers know that we were on the course.  Traffic wasn’t so bad for the first half of the course and I was able to see a lot of the other athletes as they rode by on the other side of the highway.  I waved at everyone, cuz why not?  The first part of the course was two loops then you go the other way towards Emerald Bay.  That’s where all the climbing was.  Ugh!  It actually wasn’t too bad.

I really had to go to the bathroom during the swim but didn’t.  I didn’t use the bathroom at transition since I had heard it was super gross and full already that morning.  I had figured I would use a porta potty during the bike.  BUT…I got to the last turnaround and there weren’t any porta potties.  The volunteer told me there were only bathrooms at transition.  WHAT THE FUCK?  The CHP officer told me that many athletes were just going off the side of the road.   I asked the volunteer if this was okay and he just looked away.  I may or may not have gone behind a tree on the side of the highway.

I think the worst part for me was at the top of Emerald Bay there is a cliff on both sides.  I wasn’t looking forward to that.  Since this part of the course was an out and back, we had to go over that section twice.  AAAHHHH!   I talked my way through it both ways and didn’t fall over the cliff.  YAY!  on the way down back to transition is a nice two mile downhill.  I was really looking forward to it since we did have to climb up it.  I actually lucked out.  There was a car behind me that let me take the entire lane in front of him.  I didn’t have to stay in the bike lane and I could enjoy the downhill.  That was my favorite part of the race.  I made it to transition and saw I PR’d on the bike.  What?  I was having an awesome day so far.

Transition was a little chaotic.  Most of the athletes were either doing the aquabike or the Olympic distances so they were already done.  I didn’t see my family yet while I was getting my run stuff ready.  I figured I would on the way out.  There were a ton of people at the run out but I couldn’t see where I was supposed to go.  Thankfully the volunteer saw I looked lost and she directed me to go left as well as yelling to the people who were on the run course that there was a runner coming.  Of course no one heard and I had to push through a bunch of people.  That was really frustrating.  The start of the run is on a super steep downhill.  As I was running down the hill one of the Olympic course athletes was running up with two spectators on each side.  They were totally taking up the entire trail.  That pissed me off too.  Then I didn’t see any of my family.  Hello!  Where the fuck were they?

Not even a quarter mile into the run I was already super pissed off.   Not seeing my family at transition was a huge letdown.  They are always such a big support system for me.  My kids haven’t been to one of my races in a while and I was really looking forward to see their smiling faces.  Urg!  I was mad.

So back to the run….I was cruising and feeling good until I hit the dirt.  Where did the paved trail go?  It suddenly became a trail run.  WHAT???????  I was running by the lake in the sand with no one around.   Every so often there was an arrow giving directions on the trail.  There were so few athletes and I was near the back of the pack so there was no one around.  Then the trail turned into a paved path for a little bit into a campground.  Then back to a dirt trail.  I really had no idea it was mostly a trail run.  Looking at the course description it says we run on different trails but you need to google the trails to find they are dirt trails.  Ugh!

I was totally freaking out.  I was in the middle of a forest by myself with who knows what kind of animals watching me.  I was really afraid that if I saw a bear, no one would even know I was eaten.  Yes, I think a bear would eat me.   I did see a few other athletes at the second aid station who were starting their second lap on the back part of the course.  I talked to every athlete I saw on the run course.  We were all struggling.  There was a lot of walking.  Okay, I mostly walked this course.  I finally saw Katie ahead of me at a turn around point.  She was really struggling too.  I tried to catch up to her but didn’t until the same turnaround with about 3 miles left.  At that point I just wanted to vomit.  I had been trying to eat and seemed to do better on nutrition than any other race.  Katie got me through the last 3 miles.  Thankfully I didn’t throw up.   Looking back, I was probably just dehydrated.

Katie and I got to that last fucking hill we had to run up.  All of our kids were patiently waiting for us.  They were telling us to run up that hill, but no fucking way was I going to run up that hill.  We did manage to run through the finish line together.  Woohoo!  That awful race was done.

Yes, I’m glad I did this race.  No, I wouldn’t do it again.  I really don’t like being so negative about a race.  Especially when the race is in Tahoe.  But three big things really bugged me.   1. Spectators in the transition area. 2.  No bathrooms on the bike or run course.  Although there were bathrooms at the campground.  3. The run course is out in the middle of no where and was not spectator friendly.

One good thing about this race was I ended up second in my age group.  Okay, there were only two of us.  But how awesome is that?

My total swim time was 48:14

My total bike time was 3:55

My total run (well walk) was 3:13

Total race time was 8:06:55

 

Katie and I after the race.

I have a few marathons coming up to finish the year off.  During the high mileage of marathon training starts Ironman Texas training.   That should be interesting.  Lets see if I can keep blogging during that crazy time.  Here’s to hoping my next post isn’t so negative.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I’m an Ironman. NBD.

I know, it’s  been over two weeks since Ironman Lake Tahoe and I haven’t posted a race report.  What the heck?!?!?!  I’ve been letting the race sink in and process it all.  Plus, we just finally hooked our computer up since we moved.  Life is just hectic.

The Friday before race I day I drove up to Tahoe to check in.  I had driven up so many times the last couple of months, it just seemed a bit surreal to be driving up for the last time for the actual race.  I hadn’t really gotten into race mode the week leading up to that day since we had moved just a few days before.  It all just wasn’t sinking in.  Once I got to Squaw Valley and saw some friends, I finally started at least getting excited.

I’ll just skip to race day since that’s the fun part.  I did not sleep that night.  It just sucked!  I guess that’s the norm though and that’s why the entire week before the race, you should get lots of rest of sleep.  Well, that didn’t happen.  Not when I moved into a new house and had way too much to do the week of the race.  So, when I woke up at 4:15, I was super dizzy and felt like I had a cold.  Ugh!  Every time I turned my  head I got really dizzy.  That made me super nervous.  It was race day and I had to suck it up.  Eric and Bill, Elizabeth’s husband, drove Elizabeth and I to the swim start at King’s Beach.  Oh man!  Here I was again.  All I kept thinking about was that this was my last chance to finish an Ironman.  I didn’t have the time or money to train for a different one this year.  I was freaking out.  I finally saw my coach, Amanda and her husband, Keith.  Whew! She told me I was probably just dizzy from being nervous.  Amanda also gave me a great calming breathing exercise to do at the swim start.

Time was going by way too fast.  It was already time to say goodbye to everyone.  As soon as I gave Eric a hug, I started crying.  I hate crying.  I kept crying when I hugged Amanda too.  Oh man!  Crying sucks.  Elizabeth and I walked down to the swim start.  The sand was so cold.  I was so grateful for some last minute advice to wear some thick socks on the beach.  I wouldn’t even have thought about the sand being cold.

My plan for the swim was to start with the second to the last group.  After chatting with Amanda we figured it might give me some extra minutes during the race just in case I was getting close to a bike cutoff. So I scooted my way up the shoot.  Elizabeth found me and we anxiously waited together to start.

Ironman changed the direction of the swim to clockwise from it’s usual counter clockwise. I was so excited since I tend to swim towards the right.  Ironman was also great and moved a bunch of the rocks near the shore so we wouldn’t get hurt walking on so many rocks.  The water was really low so we had to walk a while before we could even swim.  Elizabeth took off running and I didn’t even realize we passed the timing mat.  Oops!  I walked until we could actually start swimming.  And then I freaked out.  I couldn’t catch my breath.  The water was so freaken cold.  There were so many freaken people around me.  I did not think I could finish this swim.  I doggie paddled for a few hundred yards.  I looked around and saw lots of people struggling.  A few people were already hanging onto some paddle boards.  A few days before I left for Lake Tahoe my Ironman friend, Alison sent me this picture.

I loved this!  It was so true for me with this race.  I really didn’t have another option but to finish.  And well, it had “fucking” written on the sign.  My favorite word the last nine months during training.  Well, nothing else anybody said before the race or during training got me to actually swim except this sign.  Thank you Alison.  Finishing was my only fucking option.  I put my head in that freaken cold water and I swam.  I passed people, hit people, kicked people, got passed, got hit and got kicked.  Yep, I was in the thick of it.  During the end of the first loop I really started getting cold.  I was shivering.  I don’t think I had ever been so cold.  Then somewhere during the swim, I got a horrible leg cramp.  Usually, they go  away when I keep swimming, but this one stopped me.  It sucked.  Thankfully it went away after a couple of minutes and I kept swimming.

This swim was so much better than my IMCDA swim.  That swim with my horrible sighting was 1:52:05.  Boo!  This time it took 1:43:16.  It was such a big difference.  I was so excited.  I saw Eric and Amanda when I got out of the water but I could hardly walk and could only say, “I’m so cold.”

Let me just say that the Ironman volunteers are truly the best people ever.  Triathletes are not modest people.  Most of us got naked in the changing tents, put cream on our, well, you know whats, and do other stuff that you just don’t want to know about.  All of this in front of lots of other people.  I’m sure the poor volunteers have nightmares for days after Ironman.  They just help with all of it, anything we needed they would help.  My T1 took 11:57.  Not as fast as my IMCDA transition, but I did have to go to the bathroom this time and I was shivering so much, I could barely get my shoes and socks on.

On to the bike.  I could barely walk my bike to the bike mount line.  I was still so freaken cold.  It took a few miles before I stopped shivering.  Luckily it was a beautiful and sunny day.  I felt really good once I warmed up.  I really love this bike course.  I knew it really well.  Okay, I thought I did.  At the end of Legacy Trail in Truckee there is a split in the trail where you can go left up this super steep hill that takes you to a parking lot off of Highway 267.  Or you can go right that is still up a hill, but not so bad and it takes you to a crosswalk on Highway 267.  I’ve always gone to the right so I could turn left safely onto the highway.  Well, surprise, the course took us left up the super steep hill.  Lots of people got off their bikes to walk it.  It wasn’t long, but steep and there were two fucking speed bumps we had to go over.  WTF?!?!?!?!  All I could think about was Elizabeth cussing me out when she saw that we had to go up it.  I managed to grind up that freaken hill to look forward to the big Brockway climb.

I was feeling really good and ready for the climb.  Somewhere up the climb I heard Eric and Bill cheering.  Eric ran up the hill for a bit while he talked to me.  The encouragement from the two of them was just what I needed.

The guys taking a much needed break from spectating.

Elizabeth was not far behind me.  I knew she would pass me any minute since she is way better on the climbs than I am.  And sure enough, she zoomed by me yelling at me.  The climb wasn’t bad, just took it slow.  Well, I always go up the  hills slow.  My favorite part of the course is the descent down Brockway.  My max mph was 51, but Eric did not want me to go that fast during race day.  So I listened.  Boo!  I only managed a max of 47 mph.  It was still fun.

Photo Credit to Greg Zirbel. Thanks for taking some awesome shots of all of the athletes.

On the second loop I stopped to go to the bathroom.  I should have racked my bike, but instead I set it up against the rack.  This resulted in something moving and causing my tire to rub on something.  I could hear it, but couldn’t figure out what was rubbing.  This made the second loop a bit more challenging.  Plus, the wind picked up.  During the first loop of the bike course I dropped most of one of my Bonk Breaker bars.  That was a big bummer because that meant I didn’t have enough calories for the last part of the bike.  Yes, I have a tendency to drop things.  I did drop my entire bag of salt tablets and Nuun during the start of the bike at IMCDA.  At least this was just food.  I resorted to using Gu on the bike.  I usually have two, one at the start and one half way through mixed in with one or two Bonk Breaker bars.  Since I was short about 200 calories, I add two Gu’s on the last part of the bike.  This ended up being a big mistake during the run.

My bike time ended up being okay.  Not as fast as I had hoped.  8:25 with an average speed of 13.3 mph.  It was still within the time frame that Amanda had wanted me to be in.  I was really excited to get off  of the bike.  My feet were really hurting.  I’m not sure if it was my shoes or what.  I need to get that figured out too.

I saw my entire family at the transition.    I hadn’t seen my kids since Friday when we dropped them off at school so to see them cheering for me was awesome.  T2 transition was 7:57.  Not bad when it included a potty break.  Amanda told me I had plenty of time to finish the run.  The run was my strongest leg and I was really excited about finally getting the chance to run.  My last 20 mile run I had averaged a pace of 10:23.  Not too shabby.  Of course, my pace wouldn’t be the same, but I didn’t think it would be as bad as it was on race day.

I started out the run with a slow shuffle.  I knew this was going to be a long time before I finished that race.  I shuffled through the first half and stopped at each aid station.  I grabbed pretzels and water at each one and a few times I sipped on some cola.  It was really weird but my brain just kind of turned off and I couldn’t think of what I was supposed to take for fuel.  I always take salt tablets and electrolytes, but I didn’t take a single one on the last half.  I started getting a stomach ache about  mile 18-19 and ended up using the porta potties every time I saw one.  It must have been from those freaken extra freaken Gu’s that I ate on the bike.  Those stops slowed me way down.  I still wasn’t thinking that I was dehydrated or what was really wrong.  I just felt that I needed to get to the finish line.  At times I would try running, but it seemed faster to just walk.  It sucked!  The trail was really dark and the only thing I could see was what was directly in front of my feet that my headlamp lit up.  Not  much.  Katie was so sweet and ran with me for a few miles.  This was even after she completed the Ironman 70.3 that afternoon.  She is such a rockstar.  I had less than a mile left when Katie and Eric joined up with me again.  They told me I wasn’t going to make the cutoff if I didn’t hurry up.  So I kind of ran.  I had already figured that I would at least be able to make it through the finish chute, but I’d be over the 17 hours since I started about 6:45am.  There wasn’t anything I could do about it.  I just made way too many bathroom stops.  It was pretty exciting going through Squaw Valley with everyone cheering.  I wish I could have enjoyed the moment more, but I was completely spent.

All through training I couldn’t wait to hear the Mike Reilly, the voice of Ironman, announce that I was an Ironman.  Well, he wasn’t at Tahoe this year and that was okay.  I couldn’t hear it it anyways.  I could only hear the spectators cheering and the music.   That’s not a bad thing.  It was actually pretty awesome.  I just wish I felt better to enjoy the moment.  I actually did get another DNF.  I did finish, but was over the time by a few minutes.  Eh, that’s okay.  I still felt like I did the work and went the distance.  Plus, I got the medal.

One of my favorite pictures. Me hugging Amanda at the finish line.

The finisher’s area was pretty crazy for me.  The volunteer who gave me my medal and finisher’s hat was super great.  He guided me to where I needed to go and what to do.  I really didn’t know what was going on at that point.  It was becoming a blur.  I remember giving everyone hugs, getting my picture taken and being told by Amanda to go to the medical area.  At this point I was okay.  Just super tired.  I left the med area and wanted to get some food.  Well, really just something warm.  I was so cold.  The day was finally hitting me.  Then I didn’t want to be warm, just to lay down.

I ended up not being able to go anywhere on my own so as a precaution I was transported to the emergency room.  Within minutes of the paramedic starting me on an IV of fluids, I started feeling better.  Once I got to the hospital they started me on another bag and took some lab work.  My labs came out great and Mr. Wiggles is doing well.

Stacy Baade, you are an Ironman!

I was so grateful for getting those fluids.  I don’t think I would have been feeling as well as I was the next day.  The only real thing that hurt was my calf from the leg cramp on the swim.   I was doing a weird Frankenstein walk for two days until I got into see the awesome, Dr. Pellegrini.  He found I had pulled a muscle.  He worked it out after a few visits and me almost crying through the pain.  Luckily, instead of crying, he just made me laugh.  Ouch, that hurt!

Keep an eye out for another post soon.  I have so many people to thank and you can read what I’m planning on doing next.  Cuz you know it doesn’t end here.

Taking care of business

It’s been a tough couple of months since my big DNF at Ironman Couer d’ Alene.  My dream of becoming an Ironman was not over.  After lots of discussions with Eric, my kiddos and my coach, Amanda, I signed up for Ironman Lake Tahoe.  The logistics of this race seem to be a good fit for us.  It’s close to home so I’ve been able to practice on the course and there aren’t a lot of travel expenses.  Plus, Lake Tahoe is one of my favorite places.  The big obstacles for this race besides it being an Ironman is the altitude of 6000 feet and you never know what the weather will be like.  The first year it snowed and the second year it was cancelled because of a fire.  So fingers crossed this year will be ideal racing conditions.

Everyone who knows me, knows that I love me a hashtag.  So I was trying to come up with one for this race.  For IMCDA, we had #roadtocouerdalene2015 That was great for Elizabeth, Katie and I, but I needed my own for this race.  I knew this would be my last shot for a finish this year.  During one of my runs I was trying to come up with one.  Since all of this comes back to Tucker I decided to use his initials.  T.C.B.  Eric put a lot of thought into his name, like most parents do.  Tucker, cause it’s awesome.  His middle name is Cassius after Cassius Clay.  Tuck had been a fighter since the moment we found out we were pregnant.  Of course we would name him after one of the greatest heavyweight fighters of all time.  (Kind of ironic that Tucker is the smallest one in his class).  Then there are the initial.  T.C.B.  Eric is a huge Elvis fan.  Taking Care of Business is a motto that Elvis adopted.  I thought T.C.B. was very fitting for Ironman Lake Tahoe.  So my new hashtag for IMLT is #TCB

Of course I had to put my new hashtag on a pink trucker hat.

I had a little break after IMCDA and then it was back to full training mode.  It took a few weeks to get my speed back up on the run.  It really felt like I was starting all over again.  It’s still not what it was before IMCDA, but better.  The bike was a bit of a struggle, but nothing like the run.  And my swim…I never thought I would get faster, but oh my gosh, I have.  Woohoo!  My last open water swim with Amanda was horrible.  On the way back to shore for the last half, she yelled at me to stop looking at my Garmin since it won’t make me any faster by looking at how far I’ve gone.  Okay, she didn’t yell, but she was very insistent.  She was right.  My last half of that swim was way faster. Since then most of my open water swims have been better and I actually kind of enjoy it.  WHAT?!?!?!  That’s crazy!

Elizabeth had been debating if she was going to do the race with me and she finally pulled the plug and signed up.  I’m super excited she will be on the course with me.  Our 7th year kidneyversary is the day before Ironman on September 19th.   I can’t believe all that we have done in these seven years post transplant.  And Elizabeth is going to be doing two Ironmans in less than three months.  Wow!  She is amazing!

This was after our super long swim and last workout of our last week of peak training. I was so happy it was over.

We are a few days into our first week of our taper.  I’m supposed to be getting lots of sleep and not doing so much, but I’m doing the complete opposite.  We are moving this weekend so I’m super busy trying to pack up our house, plan the move, get my workouts in and you know, work a little bit.  I’m not sleeping much which is not helping me get quality workouts in.  Luckily we move the week before Ironman (is that lucky?) so I can at least take my time to unpack our stuff.

I’m also struggling with some tendinitis in my left knee that started hurting a bunch on the last two weeks of peak.  I finally went to see my favorite sports doctor, Dr. Pellegrini.  He is fixing me up so hopefully I won’t have as much pain on race day.  The climb up Brockway is not any fun when you are in pain.

I really am super excited about this race and I feel really ready.  You can track me on the athlete tracker at http://www.ironman.com My bib number is 287.  I’m hoping my race report is more positive this time around.

Race Report and then some from IMCDA

Wow!  This was not the race report I was hoping to write.  So get ready for what Eric calls “the roller coaster of Stacy’s emotions after a race.”

My family and I made it to Coeur d’ Alene on Thursday evening after a super long drive.  Chloe and Tucker were so good the entire way, we took them to get ice cream off Sherman Ave.  I was beyond excited, well just plain giddy, to be down on Sherman Avenue.  The barriers  were set up and there were so many Ironman signs everywhere.  As we were searching for ice cream, we saw my new friend, Dan, that I met on the Facebook training group.  We stopped and met his beautiful family.  He told us that he had already swam in Lake Coeur d’ Alene that day and that the water was great and the current carried you back when you were headed to shore.  That eased my mind a bit about the swim.  It would be great if at the end of our 2.4 mile swim to not have to work as hard.  We found a yummy ice cream shop where everyone got ice cream, but me.  The fresh waffle cones smelled so yummy.   We walked down to the lake and tried to make sense of the transition area.  It was getting pretty dark and we couldn’t see much so we headed back to where we were staying.

The next morning I was planning on meeting up to swim with some awesome athletes that I met on the Facebook training group and of course, Rosie.  It was so fun meeting everyone that I’ve been stalking on Strava and Facebook.  Apparently I am known as HSF.  I really do say and write that a lot on my Strava workouts.  🙂   It was like a reunion seeing everyone. Chloe finally had to tell me to go swim because I was talking so much.  I swam with my new friend, Kim.  The water was amazing.  It was so clear and there were some crazy things at the bottom.  I even saw a can of Tab.  Yep, Tab.  When we got to the second buoy, we ran into Dan again.  We all started chatting and two more athletes stopped to chat too.  It was pretty funny.  I can always find a way to talk to people.  We finished our swim and talked even more.  Athlete check in was open, so we headed to Ironman Village.

Oh my gosh!  I was checking into my first Ironman.  Everyone I was talking to in line was so great.  We were all worried about the heat on race day.  While I was in line Chloe came over to me and gave me an autographed picture of Andy Potts.  Yep, the one and only Andy Potts.  He was over at the Lifeproof booth chatting with athletes.  I was so excited to finally meet him.  Eric had already filled him in on my story and he had some great advice for me on race day.  He is a genuinely nice man.  I was really impressed by him.

Yeah, that’s just me and my buddy, Andy. NBD!

Later that day we had the athlete briefing.  I finally saw Elizabeth, her husband, Bill and Amanda.  It was such a relief to see them.  After the athlete briefing, Elizabeth and I headed off to ride the run course.  I really enjoyed seeing the course.  It seemed to help me mentally prepare for the run.  The course that was by the lake was so much cooler than the rest of the course.  Andy did fill me in on that awesome info too.  We got really close in the few minutes we chatted.  Heehee!

The next day I did a super short run and got my gear ready to drop off at the transition area.  As I left my family, I started crying again.  Oh man, I was so emotional.  They all gave me big hugs while giggling at me.    I had just been so emotional the last few weeks.  We finally met up with Katie and all of the Bobs were together again.  Whew!

Chris, Katie’s husband, had these made for our bikes. Aren’t these awesome?

When I got back to my family they headed off to spend the day at Stillwater, a local amusement park.  This gave me a chance to watch many episodes of Scandal while I rested, ate and drank water.  I love days like that.

Trying to get to sleep that night was not easy.  All week I was only concerned about the temperature of the day.  All of a sudden I was super freaked out about the swim.  I wasn’t at all worried about the bike and knew I could just walk the run leg if necessary.  I just needed to get through the swim.  I was up a bunch during the night because of nerves, people texting me and just having to go to the bathroom.  Finally it was time to get up and get ready.

Eric dropped me off at Ironman village and I dropped off my special needs bags.  I headed to the transition to drop my fuel off and water bottles.  I started seeing all my girls and we were all so nervous.  I got to my bike and realized I had forgot to put my Nuun in my water bottles.  Damnit!  This was my first mistake of the day.  I added my salt tablets to my bottles and found I had one tablet of Nuun, but was missing the rest.  I began thinking of how I could make those adjustments.  I knew I had some in my special needs bag.  I figured I would be okay since there was Gatorade on the course and I still had salt tablets.  I made sure my bike gear was in order and dropped my fuel off in my run bag.  Then to the porta potty line before putting my wetsuit on.  I saw Amanda before I headed with everyone to the swim start.  Just seeing her smiling face eased my mind a bit.  I was so glad she was there.

There was so much excitement and nerves in the air as we all shuffled through to the swim start.  The male pros had already started the race.  The pro women would be headed out in a few more minutes.  HSF!  The time was going by so fast.  I finished my GU and water bottle full of Nuun and gave Rosie and Katie good luck hugs.  Elizabeth and I walked down to the water to acclimate and of course go potty with everyone else.  Triathletes are pretty gross and we swim in our pee.  Yep!  Pretty gross.

I turned my Garmin on and was all ready to go.  Music was playing and Mike Reilly was getting everyone pumped up.  It was so awesome! Then it was go time.  I hit start on my Garmin and just started swimming.  HSF, I was swimming in an Ironman!  I started at the back of the pack since I am so super slow.  I was surrounded by other athletes, but I didn’t have any problems with anyone pulling on me or pushing me down.  I think because I was so far off to the right and not even near the buoys like I should have been.  I continued by swim count and looked up just to sight.  Every time I would look up, I was further and further from the buoys.  FUCK!  I didn’t need to swim any further than necessary.  I looked at my Garmin and noticed I never actually changed it to the multi-sport setting like I thought I did.  I still had it on the run setting.  Ugh!  What else is going to go wrong?  Luckily it still showed me my time and that was really all I needed.  I kept swimming and then looked up to sight and hit my nose on the edge of a paddle board.  Of course I laughed because this stuff only happens to me.  The dude on the board laughed and said sorry.  I thought I broke my nose and was bleeding, but continued on.  What else was going to happen?  I hadn’t even hit the first turn yet.  I kept trying to stay close to the buoys, but it just wasn’t working.  I got to the first turn and then there was the sun.  It was so bright we couldn’t see the next turn buoy.  Luckily, the guys on the paddle boards were helping with directions.  I finally finished my first loop.  53 minutes.  Ugh!  I was hoping for 50 minutes.  That was okay, at least I knew I still had plenty of time to finish the second loop before the 2 hour and 20 minute cut off.  I heard Amanda screaming my name.  That was such a great thing to hear.  Not that I really like to hear my name being screamed out, but just  know that she saw me and was cheering for me.  😉   The second loop was a bit more wavey and my sighting still sucked ass.  I knew I was going to finish the swim with no problems after I started the second loop.  Once I made the second turn and headed back to shore I started thinking about getting into transition and getting on the bike.  Before I knew it, I was done with the swim.  I finished my 2.4 mile swim in 1:52:05.  I was so beyond excited. It was better than I expected on my race plan.  Although my Garmin did say I swam 4.42 miles.  Haahaa!  Apparently it’s not as accurate on the run setting.  I haven’t downloaded my swim yet, but I’m anxious to see how far I really did swim.

The women’s changing tent was AWESOME!  I had a list of what I needed and what their order was in so the lady helping me just grabbed my stuff and started helping.  My transition was 7:17.  WHAT?!?!?!?  I was on the bike in record time.  I saw Eric and the kiddos on the bike out and felt really good.  I grabbed my first GU out of my bento box and out falls my baggie of salt tablets and tylenol.   Fuck!  I should have taken a minute to stop and grab it, but I continued on.  I felt really great on the bike.  It was starting to feel hot, but not too bad.  The start of the bike course took us out by the lake on the run course.  On the way back in town there was a bank that had a sign with the current temperature.  It was already 83 degrees.  No big deal.  I’ve biked in hotter temps than that and I was feeling great.  My speed was a little too fast, but this was the easy part of the course.  I headed out to Highway 95 where the hills soon began.  I’m not fast going up the hills but I will make it up them.  I sure do love going down the hills.  That’s my favorite.  I got to about mile 20ish and started doing the math.  My pace was slowing down and I was getting really hot.  It seemed way hotter on 95 and I was already on my second water bottle.   I was catching back up on my pace with the downhills, but it seemed that everything was uphill.   I figured that I was going to make the first bike cutoff, but I had my doubts that I would  make the second cutoff.  I got to the turnaround on 95 and really just felt like crap.  I had already been feeling dizzy which wasn’t a good sign.  I finished my second water bottle and was waiting for another aid station to get a Gatorade.  I still had two more water bottles with salt tablets already in them, but I figured I should get something cold and Gatorade was probably a better option than water.  I finally got to an aid station.  I asked for a Gatorade and poured it into my front water bottle.  The volunteer kept asking me questions and I just remember answering with an “I don’t know” to each of them.  Oh man!  That wasn’t a good sign, especially for me who really likes to talk.  I remember her putting ice in my bottle with her bare hands.  As an immuno-suppressed person, I am a huge germaphobe.  If I saw this on a normal day, I would have literally vomited.  Not on this day.  I couldn’t even react to it.  I go back on my bike and realized that I was not going to finish this race.  At this point I was not just dizzy, but I was also not able to talk and answer simple questions.  I kept counting down the miles.  The pros were all passing me as well as the age groupers.  I just stayed out of their way since I knew I was already out of the race.  At one point my dizziness got so bad that I almost ran into a barrier. I just felt like I was losing it more and more each mile.  I just wanted to get to the end of the first bike loop so I could end this race.

I finally got to the bike finish and told a volunteer that I was done with the race.  Defeated!  I just felt freaken defeated.   A volunteer took my bike and I sat in the shade on the grass.  I took off everything but my jersey and shorts and a few volunteers dumped water on me.  I couldn’t stop shaking.  I had my heart rate monitor on so they started monitoring my heart rate from that.  It wouldn’t go down.  I couldn’t stop the dizziness.  I texted Eric to tell him I was at the transition.  The medical peeps wanted to take me to the med tent at that point, but I declined and went to go meet Eric.  I saw Bill and Amanda waiting for me outside the transition area.  Oh man!  I felt pure disappointment and failure.  I couldn’t believe this was happening.  I saw many other athletes leaving with their bikes and gear bags who decided to not finish the race.  I knew that any other day I could have finished this race.  With Amanda’s coaching, I was trained for every aspect of this race.  They urged me to visit the med tent since my heart rate was still pretty high and I was still dizzy.  My blood pressure was super low and they kept me in there until it came back up.  The med tent was quickly filling up with athletes.  The medical staff was amazing.  I felt really bad for them since their day was just starting to get busy.

This was Amanda’s Facebook post that I have read numerous times.  I couldn’t get through this without crying.  It was a very tough day and only made better by watching my friends cross that finish line.

“Yesterday was, without question, an historic Ironman race day. With temps up to 105 (and 125 on the asphalt!) – IMCDA 2015 was a humbling day for athletes and spectators alike. I watched so many stories unfold; stories of angst and triumph, struggle and victory, sadness and unbelievable joy. I watched in a single day, a bit of an encapsulation of what it means to live a human life, with all its ups and downs, celebrations and losses, pain and love. If you’ve never been to one, an Ironman 140.6 is simply an unparalleled event for this sort of experience.

As a coach, one of my main responsibilities is to watch. To watch what an athlete eats and drinks. To watch how their arm enters the water in the swim and how their feet move behind them, to propel them forward toward their goals. To watch RPM on the bike and pacing on the run. To watch how much sleep they get, how faithful they are to doing what is in their best interest. To watch how training load is either enhancing or stalling performance. To watch heart rate and mood and travel stress and family commitments and work schedules. It is my job to come alongside an athlete, or an aspiring athlete, and to listen to their goals. To learn about their challenges, and to understand their dreams and then, to the best of my ability, craft a plan to help them reach out towards and one day grasp hold of these goals they have for themselves. It is my job to hold them accountable to this plan, to push them when they need pushed and pull them back when it is warranted. It is my job to walk alongside them as they navigate all the things they expected on the journey and try to help them deal with all the things they didn’t. It is my job to carefully watch them in what is ultimately, always, their own unique journey.

I watched a lot of athletes yesterday. I watched them fight hard, SO hard for what they wanted. And it was my very great pleasure and privilege to see so many of the athletes I care about succeed in their fight and reach their very long-held and oh-so-difficultly earned dreams of an Ironman finish. I saw you out there, Elizabeth. Oh, man. I saw you and I am so very proud of and amazed by you. You are absolutely made of the very strongest of stuff. Just unreal. And I saw you, Katie, Brian, Richard, Rosie and Faith. I saw each of you fight and fight and dig oh so deep to finish what you started.

And I saw you, Stacy.

I watched you cheerfully take on your prior nemesis of swimming. Not only once, but twice, due to the out of and back in nature of the swim course. I watched that head bob with our stroke count/breath count pattern. That pink cap always tucking back down for more. I watched you exit the water with an absolutely huge smile. And right there, I had my first ever swim-finish cry. I watched you FLY through transition – wearing everything you were supposed to and all of it facing the right direction smile emoticon. Then, remotely, I watched you clip away mile after mile on the bike. I got to watch you on that course for a split second, too, chasing down your formidable dreams. I saw you minutes behind the friend with whom you share a bond so sacred that those of us around you can only begin to understand it.

Then I saw you do one of the hardest things you will ever have to have done. I watched you painfully, and oh-so-very-graciously, set aside something that means so very much to you. I saw you so wisely choose this because the people who love you and need you mean more.

And then. Then I watched you tenderly see to the needs and hearts of your children in the midst of your own heartache. I watched you, with more grace and dignity and strength of character than many of us will ever hope to have, spend the rest of your day, in the same brutal heat that mandated that you end your race, set aside your disappointment. I watched you cheer, encourage, run alongside and positively will every one of your friends across the very finish line that you so very much want for yourself. Mercy. And then, when our part of the day together was near done, I watched you genuinely, and absolutely beautifully, celebrate every one of these friends.

I watched you fight to outwardly manifest your inward strength and beauty, Stacy Baade. And it was one of the most inspiring and lovely things that I’ve ever seen. There was no medal at the end of your day. But there should’ve been.”

This blog post took me 5 days to complete.  I have been processing my defeat all week.  Eric pointed out to me that my kidney transplant has never defined me.  I don’t complain about the frustrations and struggles I deal with every day.  I have never let it get in the way of me living my life.  This was the first time it really did.  This week I got back in the open water to swim with my awesome triathlon group, I’ve ran with Chloe and am going on a bike ride today.  I will get back on track with training and I have no doubt that I WILL become a Ironman.

HSF! Ironman is on Sunday!

This tapering stuff is driving me bonkers.  I was really looking forward to having the extra time to spend with my kids, do some work for the coffee shop that I’ve been putting off and maybe even clean the house.  Nope, I’m just too tired.  I think I’m more tired now than I was during the peak training weeks.  It’s driving me bonkers.  Luckily I’ve been able to get some naps in during the day.

Not only am I beyond tired, but I’m super duper extra emotional.  The thought that I won’t finish this race goes through my mind at least a hundred times a day.  I even cried four times on Saturday.  Yes, four times.  What is going on?!?!?!?  Apparently I’m not the only one.  Katie, Elizabeth and I text each other multiple times a day with describing our mini freak outs, doubts and reasons why we’ve shed our most recent tears.

Like any athlete does the weeks before a race, we check the weather updates daily.  The two weeks leading up to IMCDA, I’ve been checking it multiple times a day.  The latest forecast for the day is this.  Yes, Sunday is race day and it’s expected to be 106.  WTF?!?!?!?! How the heck am I going to complete an Ironman in that kind of heat?  Just another reason to freak out over this race.

Completing this monster of a race in this kind of heat is already difficult for any athlete.  Buuut….with my one kidney that only works at a 30% function, it makes it a bit more difficult.  I will be racing smart and taking in enough electrolytes and salt tablets.  If I have any signs that I feel like I’m going to die, (aside from the normal signs when competing in an Ironman) then I will stop.  My contingency plan is to complete Ironman Tahoe in September if something happens in Coeur d’ Alene.  At this point, I’m going to stay positive and keep thinking that I can do it.  I’ve been through way worse things in my life than doing an Ironman in 106 degrees.  #pieceofcake

Sunday was my last training day with my super awesome friends.  Amanda had us do a 15 minute open water swim, 10 mile ride and a 2 mile run.  When we walked to the beach, we saw that our friend, Amanda, had left beautiful flowers and a card on the beach for us.

Isn’t Amanda the best?

That’s me, Elizabeth and Rosie.

It was nice to train without any pressure.  We really just had fun.  There was a lot of dancing, gossip and of course laughing at me.  One of the hilariously stupid things I did that morning was after the swim I had my wetsuit half off and I was just wearing that and my sports bra.  Then I put my helmet on which I should have done after I put my bike jersey on.  So then instead of just taking my helmet off, I struggled to put my jersey over my helmet.  I really need video of all the stupid things I do so I can make more people laugh at me.  A few weeks ago I put my helmet on backwards three times.  I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

With only five days left, I’m trying to get packed, organize and pack my race gear, fit in my final workouts, work and try to stay sane.  I’ve noticed I’ve really just been going around in circles when I’m home and can’t focus on doing any of the above.  Sitting here to write this post is the most I’ve sat still all day.  I think I’ll go for a run now.

Elizabeth, Katie and I managed to fit in a pedicure this morning. Aren’t they awesome?!?!?!